I’m a “Bad” Christian

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”
Ephesians 2:8

I woke up late and didn’t do my prayer time today…I must be a bad Christian.

I’m a divorced, single parent with a rough past…I must not be suitable for church leadership.

I overreacted and yelled at my son after a stressful day …I must be an impatient and unloving Christian.

I have Madonna on my Spotify playlist and watch Outlanders on Starz TV… I must be a wicked Christian.

I worry about my future and afraid of what lies ahead of me…I must be an unfaithful Christian.

I don’t earn enough income to give as much as I want to… I must not be a generous Christian.

When I read the Bible, I don’t always understand or want to challenge the words written… I must be a disobedient Christian.

Some Sundays, I want to sleep in instead of going to church but with a grudge, I go anyway. Shouldn’t I be a cheerful church attendee?

I drank one more glass of wine than I should have. I must be too wild to be a Christian.

I don’t fall into the picture-perfect Christian woman model who’s supposed to feminine, modest, meek and who wears pink, flowery dresses. Instead, I prefer to kick, punch and throw in martial arts class, wear black and listen to rock music. I must be a bad Christian woman.

I don’t always seek God first for answers but instead complain to my friends and family about my problems. I must not trust God enough to be a good Christian.

I believe women have a right to Church leadership, people are free to choose who to love and everyone has a right to choose their religion. I must be heretical Christian.

Every day I feel I fail being the picture perfect, cookie-cutter Christian “model”. Maybe I’m too hard on myself or maybe it’s true I’m not disciplined or obedient enough. But aren’t we all both good and bad Christians at once taking two steps forward, one step back? Who are trying to impress anyway…our fellow church members and society? Or the one who matters most… our God the Father Almighty. 

To be honest, I have no desire to be the picture perfect, cookie-cutter Christian “model”. I desire to be the woman God made me to be. Nothing more, nothing less. I can only fit in the mold crafted by God for me to embody. Not the mold built by expectations of others and my false sense of self

And when I do make mistakes, I still come back to the feet of Jesus trying to do better and be better. But within the space of feeling unworthy comes acceptance. God accepts me as I am right now. God accepts all of us as we are right now. Not the “perfect” Christian model but as the messy imperfect humans we are.

Yes, God wants us to grow our character, learn from our transgressions and be more loving towards others. But along this spiritual journey, He loves us know matter where we are at in life. All the things that make us a “bad” Christian are the negative constructs of our mind trying to pull us away from the one true faith that saved us.

That truth is we don’t earn our salvation or do good works to qualify getting into heaven. It’s given to us by grace through the love of Jesus Christ. All we need to do is accept Him in our hearts and love him with every fabric of our being. It’s that simple.

Good Christian, Bad Christian…whatever you think you are, at the end of the day giving your heart, mind and soul to Jesus with God at the center of your life surrendering to His will, is the true meaning of being a “Good” Christian.

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