The Mother Myth: You Can Do It All

The Mother Myth of the century…you can do it all. You can have it all. You can be it all.

Bogus! Not true! False promise and a dangerous myth.

As much as we would love to do it all, have it all and be it all as mothers, the reality is we can’t. And we shouldn’t. 

It’s tempting to strive for the jack of all trades mother who cooks a full course meal every night, cleans her house from top to bottom, has a high-powered career, joins every committee at school and church, stay lean and fit year round, never yells at her kids, takes her kids to every sport and activity they want to do, walks her dog every day, does her prayer and meditation time daily without fail and oh yeah, does that side hustle in her “free” time. 

It’s exhausting writing this and gives me anxiety thinking about it. We put way too much pressure on ourselves to do it all, have it all and be it all. 

But this is not possible if we want to be peaceful and happy while making room for what’s most important. If we’re busy running around in circles trying to be the best at everything we do while trying to do everything, we will burnout leaving us with nothing left inside to give. 

I am here to tell you right now it’s ok to let go of doing it all, having it all and being it all. It’s ok to say no to being on the school committee or bake goods for the church bake sale. It’s ok to say no to the promotion because it requires more hours at work taking precious time away from your young kids. It’s ok to leave your house a mess for a few days or miss the load of laundry because your plate was already full.

It’s ok if you feel stressed and lose your shit sometimes. We all lose it but are afraid to admit it because if we do, we’re scared people will think we’re “that crazy mom” and not the “always has her stuff together perfect mom.”

Culture, Instagram, entertainment, celebrities, public figures and some popular bloggers paint this unrealistic picture moms should strive for. And if we don’t, we’re a failure and not living up to society’s expectations of what a 21stcentury mom should be.

The quest to doing it all and everything under the sun and stars leads to depression, anxiety, disappointment, anger and shame. But if we scale down and minimalize our lives by doing a few things that matter most, we’ll have more joy, peace, contentment, grace and love

That’s not to say you’ll never be able to some of the things on your list or follow all of your goals and dreams. Just not all of them right now. There are seasons in your life when it’s the right time for certain ventures. And there are other seasons when it’s not the right time.

For the frazzled moms out there feeling weary, overwhelmed, frustrated, tired and stressed beyond belief trying to do it all, have it all and be it all…let go of the striving and trying and just be. 

Just be in the moment and breathe deeply creating space within your mind, body and soul. Feel what’s right for you and what’s best for your family. If it means chopping your schedule a bit, don’t hesitate. Just do it. If you really want to do it all, have it all and be it all, live in this moment right here right now. 

Because you already have everything you need… right now.

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Parenting is Damn Hard

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
– Psalms 127:3-5

I love my two sons, Hunter and Cal. No other love remotely comes close except for the love of God and Jesus in my life. No man, no job, no hobby, no friends, no nothing can rival the deep bond and connection I feel with my sons.

But no matter how much I love them, parenting is hard. Damn hard. Plain and simple.

From telling my son to get up and get dressed in the morning…over and over and over again, to struggles with behavior at school and learning to listen to me at home, to convincing him healthy food is good for you and tastes great even the green leafy stuff he says is yucky… the job of parenting challenges me to my core every single day.

In all honesty, the things they do to irritate me or get me upset, tends to reflect what I need to do inside myself. Many times, they are signs of what I could be doing different at home to create a better life for all of us.

We tend to overlook or miss the truth of what’s really going on because we get caught up in the day to day activities and the busyness of life. We enter a fantasy world thinking everything is ok so we keep trucking along without awareness of our true reality.

But our kids will shine a bright light into any dark areas needing attention and healing. They are our little mirrors for us to see every aspect of ourselves. They show us when we are not paying attention, when we are too busy and stressed, when we are not focusing on what matters most, and when we are lost in our own life.

That’s what makes parenting so hard. It’s difficult when our own children call us out on what we need to work on. They serve as tiny truth tellers and bold accountability partners.

Our egos will fight to the death saying it’s our kid’s fault. But really, it’s ours. It’s up to us to change ourselves or the environment in which we live to create a more joyful, productive place for our family.

This requires deep humility and raw honesty. We need to ask ourselves questions to get the heart of the matter.

How am I contributing to his behavior?

Am I living up to the highest moral standards and integrity to be the ultimate role model?

Am I spending enough quality time with my children or am I too distracted?

Do I really listen to them when they talk to me or am I hearing what I want to hear?

With self-reflection and investigation, we can discover the truth of our situation and take responsibility to create the best version of ourselves and our kids.

We are teaching each other. Patience, compassion, leadership, connection, grace, mercy, kindness with assertiveness, sacrifice and the value of being there in heart and soul for another human being.

The work of parenting our kids requires a strong relationship with God. The most important thing we can do as parents is commit to our daily spiritual practice. Reading the word of God and sitting in prayer is essential for our walk in Christ. By watering our spiritual seeds to deepen our roots and grow our faith, we learn to trust God will guide us in the right direction on how to lead our children.

Parents with strong faith in God equal kids with strong faith in God. They learn by seeing our daily walk with Christ and how it breathes light into our lives, our home and our community.

This is the greatest gift we can give to our children as it sets the right path for their lives in the many years to come. It’s also the greatest gift our children gives to us by holding us accountable for our faith in God and allowing Christ to be the center of our lives and our families.

The path to learn and embrace the wonderful qualities parenting teaches us is an arduous and difficult road. But nothing great achieved ever comes out of something easy or anything handed to us on a silver platter.

That’s why parenting is so hard. Damn hard.

And that’s a beautiful thing.